So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
