he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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