Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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