Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
