Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
