I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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