Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
