maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
