My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
