So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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