I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
