you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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