I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
