New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
