I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
