you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
