You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Shame - the story of my life.
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