he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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