Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
