Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
