And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
