i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
