her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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