dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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