In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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