dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
