In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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