Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
