Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
