He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
