he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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