I am puke
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
