my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
