I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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