Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
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