I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she pinky promised me she was 18
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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