Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
