3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
