so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm bleeding and have questions
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
