He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
