i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
