This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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