Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
