Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
