my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
