and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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