my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
