Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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