Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
