Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
