her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
