I'm passing your future prison.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
