worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We need to rekindle our bromance
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
