Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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