his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
